Its raining Outside.............................

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when am siting before the system.... ma mind is empty, even if i have a lot to write.. i can't write even a single letter..sometimes I wonder how can i be truthful to my career being so moody at times... Obviously it will reflect ma words... ma thoughts... I know all those things.. But i can't change  those habits or in fact the mood swings in me... Is it called a writer's dilemma? i don't know... may be this can also be called .. 

I can see the raindrops in the  window glass...and i wish to be in rain... but i can't.... for as everybody said am a "grown up" girl... sometimes not even a girl, but a "women"....I always wondered what is that "grown up" meant? Is it not a restriction to all those thing which i  i like to do.......  i want to protest against all these notions... but i know.. what the result i will get at the end of the day__ a rebellious girl who always won't agree what the elders would say... or always go against them.... Usual red mark would be drawn under my name.... 


Memories pull me back  to the school days where i can enjoy the rain in its all meaning..The hide-and-seek  play of sun with the clouds. The wet thoroughfares... wet school uniform, bag..... hot coffee...morning and evening rains.... the paddy fields from where  i had lost my umbrella in one of the a heavy rain day followed by mom's scoldings.The rain there was so noisy, for the roof of the backyard house is with tin! i just loved that sound..May be, in  any of those days i had  the realization  of moods and sounds of rain..and my love towards rain began in those days....


Anyway all those are memories only.... Now what i do is .....whenever the  wind comes up, and then it starts raining,  I jump out of bed and run around and close all the windows,which usually open at  night to let the breeze come through the bedroom.,before the rain came and touches me, coz of  some one else's compulsion
My heart slowly whispers :_


Ratri mazhe ninnodu najn parayatte
ninte ekanthamam sangeethamariyunnu njan
ninte alivum, amarthunna roshvum
iruttathu varavum thanichu thengi karachilum
pulariyethumpol mukham thudachulla nin
chiriyum thidukkavum natiyvum njan ariyunnu
ariyunna thenthukondennal njannumithupole..... 
Rathrimazhapole.......


. Still its raining outside... fascinating me.... as she always did...