Kartikadeepam Theliyumpol.......

Manasilvedeyo oru kuttikalam thudi kotti unarunnu....

Ormakalil  chandana gandham pakarnnu...

swanthmayathu athumatramennu......Kalam....

October..........

October I deserted you ..

Why are you such a pain?

Tears dried

Thoughts choked

Dreams left me…

Not even a terrible dream…..

I Am longing …

October you gave nothing but tears…

I can only feel the abyss!!

I wish if it rains and

Washed off my painful memories…

And made me dull cold and gloomy...

Left me muddy and wet!!

Hello Chennai........

I had never been to Chennai… untill I got married. When I decided to move to Chennai... I was not sure what to expect from this city even though I had been to Tamil Nadu for the last two years.  Concerns are many like “language! Conservative people! Food! Etc etc … one of my friends who had been to Chennai warned me “The Chennai weather sucks! It will be hot like hell especially in April and May and yeah of course I came here in a hot summer. (No need to say summer and all as it is always hot here!) I was really struggled to adapt the climate here. And in those days... I had a feeling that yeah Chennai is hot and sultry and it’s humid and its complete turn off for anyone... and I always had a tendency to compare each and everything that I had in Kerala and felt like missing my home town in all aspects!!!

 I’ve been here more than six months now, and I don’t know now I have a feeling that after all those ill feelings, I am started to love this “busy” city!  I like their rich culture and tradition, the busy shopping malls, temple in every nook and corner , their tone of language…… their vegetarian food…( even though I am a pure non vegetarian and feel sad about here I could not find a good non veg  restaurant other than those busy costly shops in Spencer  or in n city center or  Kumarakam, the so called “Kerala food” restaurant   where we had lunch in almost all weekends)  ) especially “curd rice”…  you know something I have started cooking with gingerly oil too.. Thanks to my Tamil colleague who taught me to cook some rice with gingerly oil.  I always feel that there is nothing more invigorating than the smell of freshly brewed filter coffee, which permeates in the streets of village in the morning and evenings.  Now I am waking up to the smell of filter kappi, “suprabhatham song” and the “kolam” than to my phone buzzing. I just love the evening walk in the jasmine or chrysanthemum smelled thoroughfares in our village.

I admired Chennai for allowing all kinds of people to get along and to lead a life that is suited to them. We can meet mal, northi, telgu etc here in one train or bus or whatever.  But I hate Chennai for the crooked auto drivers,( auto’s in Chennai suck, they fleece and cheat people and they are rude to them.. if you know the language, you can blow them down, otherwise the reverse may happen all the time) share autos, irregular buses, lack of distinct bilingual sign boards ( as I always   heard people found difficulty  to read the Tamil script get to the destination as  most of the street signs are in Tamil, except the “speed thrills but kills” kind of stuff) , and yeah of course their  partiality towards the language{(even though I have benefited that I am from Palakkad as they love us, only coz of the a bit Tamil culture we are belong to ) if you know Tamil, you will be benefited here for sure! }

But apart from the wind and wheel there is something in this city that makes us love her very much. This city taught me a lot of things like the language, and most importantly: to love the city where we are supposed to live in, mould me in such a way to love and accept the city and people the way they are.  Now I know it is Chennai only and not Kerala or whatever and Thank god it is not.

Chennai the city which colored the cinema dreams of many, city of karnatic music, called as the city of everything…… but what I feel is yeah nothing is here….  if you see the busy streets in T nagar and the long beach and the Spencer plaza too yes! That is all about Chennai. That is what I feel at the end of the day...

People, including new friends, colleagues, neighbors and sometimes complete strangers, who have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome here. People who have ensured that I have never felt like a stranger and never will…

Thank you all……

And lastly, Chennai I love you for what you are... and I too love myself for what I am when I am with you…….

Down the Memory lane..............

After office, on my way to home, I have come across so many people...for I have to pass through two markets!  The streets in Chennai are now crowded with the crackers! Every now and then you can hear the sound of crackers!  I have met so many people in train with a long shopping bags, sweet boxes etc… all these rush reminds me that the Diwali has come …. It is near! I do not know… the customs of Diwali… and I have never celebrated one yet! This time, for the first time I am In Chennai and I hope we will celebrate it!

I don’t know why they have not lit lights in and around the home, as Diwali also known as the festival of lights! It seems they will do it only on “karthikavilakku”. Anyway it is new information for me!  And I never understand that theory tooJ One of my friend told that there are so many customs or in fact rituals associated with Diwali. Like the oil bath with Ubtan, preparation of sweets, poojas, wearing new cloths, (and she added that watching TV, can’t avoid too, yeah it was funny! But yes that is what happened in our society) so and so… it reminds me of something!

These bursting sounds of crackers reminds of our celebration in Vishu in Kerala! How we used to celebrate those Vishu, Onam and all the festival in the child hood. We were eagerly waiting for that to get pocket money from all the relatives...  And it was time of family reunion too. Everybody would be there at ancestral home…. The feast, swinging with cousins, silly fights, jokes, the new dress, loud noises, afternoon plays like police and thief, hide and seek, eerupanthu , thaayam, etc …  I feel I lost that joy, pleasure everything that I had in my  childhood!   Now we rarely have such occasions of get together! Now I feel almost every festival is more like any other day. The thrills, joys, anticipation everything has slowly disappearing! I don’t know how it happens! That was the days we enjoyed a lot, forgetting all those worries about exams, silly fights and all. But today, what we do is to sit before the television and watch the programs and do change the channel when ad comes! Where is that spirit of enjoyment?  I also don’t know, in fact I am also in search of where I lost it?

I think I missed that pooja holidays too…. when I asked about celebration details to my neighbor, she said “not holidays, it is for school children only”! Yes that is the moment I desperately want my college days to be back! Really want it back! And this time I had not even kept the books before god, for the Pooja!  I realize that the spirit also has gone with the memories… too! When I saw children bursting crackers, I remember those days with rolling cap and gun! Yeah it was really fun! I know I can’t go back to those days! What I can do now is to relax in a chair, close the eyes and have a silent travel through those nostalgic days! Yes that is enough for me! I thank god, I have at least those memories, left with me to dream!  

ഒരു പ്രണയത്തിന്‍റെ ബാക്കിപത്രം.

വിതുമ്പലി ല്‍ഒതുക്കിയ ഒരു യാത്രാമൊഴി മാത്രം തന്ന്

നീയും അകലുന്നു..
ഓര്‍മകളിലെവിടെയോ  നിന്നെ ഉപേക്ഷിക്കാന്‍ 
എന്തോ എനിക്കായില്ല
കാരണം ഞാന്‍ എപ്പോഴോ നിന്നെ സ്നേഹിച്ചിരുന്നു ...
എന്നിലെ  നിന്നെ  പ്രണയിച്ചിരുന്നു........


ഇപ്പോള്‍ ... 


വിട  പറയാതിരിക്കാന്‍ എല്ലാ കാരണങ്ങളും 
അവസാനിക്കുമ്പോള്‍   .....
അകല്‍ച്ചയുടെ ഭ്രൂണം നമ്മുക്കിടയില്‍ 
വളരുന്നതും ... പെരുകുന്നതും  നാമറിയുപോള്‍ ...


ഇനി 


നിനക്ക്  എന്നെ  മറക്കാം ....
എവിടെയോ  കണ്ട പുറം  കാഴ്ച്ചപോള്‍  എന്നേക്കുമായി ഉപേക്ഷിക്കാം.....

Its raining Outside.............................

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when am siting before the system.... ma mind is empty, even if i have a lot to write.. i can't write even a single letter..sometimes I wonder how can i be truthful to my career being so moody at times... Obviously it will reflect ma words... ma thoughts... I know all those things.. But i can't change  those habits or in fact the mood swings in me... Is it called a writer's dilemma? i don't know... may be this can also be called .. 

I can see the raindrops in the  window glass...and i wish to be in rain... but i can't.... for as everybody said am a "grown up" girl... sometimes not even a girl, but a "women"....I always wondered what is that "grown up" meant? Is it not a restriction to all those thing which i  i like to do.......  i want to protest against all these notions... but i know.. what the result i will get at the end of the day__ a rebellious girl who always won't agree what the elders would say... or always go against them.... Usual red mark would be drawn under my name.... 


Memories pull me back  to the school days where i can enjoy the rain in its all meaning..The hide-and-seek  play of sun with the clouds. The wet thoroughfares... wet school uniform, bag..... hot coffee...morning and evening rains.... the paddy fields from where  i had lost my umbrella in one of the a heavy rain day followed by mom's scoldings.The rain there was so noisy, for the roof of the backyard house is with tin! i just loved that sound..May be, in  any of those days i had  the realization  of moods and sounds of rain..and my love towards rain began in those days....


Anyway all those are memories only.... Now what i do is .....whenever the  wind comes up, and then it starts raining,  I jump out of bed and run around and close all the windows,which usually open at  night to let the breeze come through the bedroom.,before the rain came and touches me, coz of  some one else's compulsion
My heart slowly whispers :_


Ratri mazhe ninnodu najn parayatte
ninte ekanthamam sangeethamariyunnu njan
ninte alivum, amarthunna roshvum
iruttathu varavum thanichu thengi karachilum
pulariyethumpol mukham thudachulla nin
chiriyum thidukkavum natiyvum njan ariyunnu
ariyunna thenthukondennal njannumithupole..... 
Rathrimazhapole.......


. Still its raining outside... fascinating me.... as she always did...

An enterely different Karan Johar Filmmmmmm

A commercially successful, massively scaled mainstream film that doesn’t just make a song and dance of it all could certainly change Bollywood forever. Of all.. at last Johar has made a move to deviate from the ususal masala film... it has a strong message to convey... that all the men.. who has a beard is not at all a terrorist.. yeah .. ofcourse... Islam is a religion that teach us how to love... how to love the fellow beings... and is it true or is there any sense of blaming all the muslim for commiting the crime....??? when i saw the film at come to ma mind is about a news paper news..a muslim mom is denied to see her son, when she cam eto knw that he is a terroroist.. that kind of attitude have to be appreciable,,,, bt wt we do is we are blind to that kind of facts... and always blame otrs.... .. ’m glad Johar also made that move. Sure, this movie’s a risk. ........... Don't miss it.....
love, pain,music................. yes.... definitely it s a journey of a common man......... for the extraordinary journey for LOVE