Still I……..

I need your shoulders to cry up on

But little space left for me

Coz of “heavy responsibility”

I wish if you could wipe out my tears

With your long, rosy fingers!

But it always hooked up with key board

I want a tight hug and a kiss on my forehead

Before I freeze..

But a rarely happens hug reminds me of

Something which I never had.

And a soft kiss left as a dream

As cigarettes locked between your lips incessantly.

BUT….

Still I love you…,

 Love your depthless blue eyes

Because it is where my dreams bloom and fade, always...

ഒരു യാത്ര പറച്ചിലിന്റെ ഓര്‍മയ്ക്ക്...

കണ്ടുമുട്ടലുകള്‍ അവസാനിക്കുന്നു
വഴികള്‍ ഒടുങനിടത് ..
അക്ഷമയുടെ വഴികണമായി  ഇനി
 നീഎനിക്കായി കാത്തുനില്കില്ല..
പരിഭവത്തിന്റെ മൗന നൊബരമായി
നിന്‍റെ വിരലുകള്‍ എന്നോട് സംവദികില്ല..
നടന്നാലും തീരാത്ത വഴികളുടെ അനന്തത  
ഇനി നിനക്കും എനിക്കും ഇടയില്‍ കടന്നു വരില്ല...
എന്‍റെ പ്രണയം, അത് എന്നില്‍ അവസാനിപ്പിച്ച്
നീ മാഞ്ഞു മാഞ്ഞു പോകുന്നു...
എന്‍റെ കാഴ്ചക്കുമപ്പുറം, ചക്രവാളത്തിലേക്ക്...
നിന്‍റെ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ ഋതുക്കളില്‍ പടങ്ങള്‍ പൊഴിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ 
സ്വകാരിയമായവ  അതുമാത്രമെന്ന്
കണ്‍കോണില്‍ ഉറയുന്ന ഒരു കണ്ണുനീര്‍ തുള്ളി!
ദിവാസ്വപ്നത്തിന്റെ അപൂര്‍ണതയോടെ...
ഉറക്കപിച്ചിന്റെ ആലസ്യമായി..
തിരക്കുകല്കിടയില്‍  ... നഷ്ടപ്പെടുന്ന 
ഉച്ചയുരക്കം പോലെ നീ....
പ്രണയത്തിന്റെ രസമാപിനിയില്‍ 
നീ അവശേഷിപിച്ചത്..
വിറങ്ങലിച്ച തണ്ത്ത  സ്പര്‍ശങ്ങളും 
വിറയാര്‍ന്ന കുറേ നോട്ടങ്ങളും ..
പനിചൂടിന്റെ അര്‍ദ്ധമയക്കതിലെപ്പോഴോ 
നീണ്ട നിശ്വാസത്തിന്റെ ഒടുക്കം 
ഞാനതു ചേര്‍ത്തുവക്കുന്നു ..
രണ്ടു മൂന്നിട്ട്  കണ്ണീരോടെ..
നിനക്ക് വായികരിയിട്ന്‍.. 

നിനക്കായി മാത്രം....

 നടക്കാന്‍ പഠിച്ചത്

 നിന്‍റെ വിരല്‍തുമ്പു പിടിച്ചാണ്..

ആഴങ്ങളില്‍ നീന്താന്‍ 

നിന്‍റെ മിഴികളില്‍ നിന്നും...

ഇഷ്ടത്തിന്‍റെ ബാലപാഠങ്ങള്‍ 

നീയാണ് എനിക്ക് ചൊല്ലിത്തന്നത്...

മുല്ലപൂ മണത്തെ പ്രണയിച്ചു തുടങ്ങിയത് 

നിന്‍റെ മുടികെട്ടില്‍ നിന്നാണു....

ഇപ്പോള്‍.......

ഇഷ്ടത്തിന്‍റെ ഈ കണ്ണാടി കൂട്ടില്‍ 

ഞാന്‍ തനിച്ചാകുമ്പോള്‍ ...

ഓര്‍ക്കാന്‍ ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ പോലും ഇല്ലാതെ...

നീയെനിക്ക് സമ്മാനിച്ച ഇഷ്ടത്തിന്‍റെ...

തുണ്ടുകള്‍ ഞാന്‍....

വാരിപിടിക്കുന്നു...

തളര്ന്നുപോകതിരിക്കാന്‍....

വഴി രണ്ടായി അകന്നു പോകുമ്പോഴും...

ഒരു ശക്തിക്കുവേണ്ടി....

അത് വരെ എനികിലം ഞാന്‍ നിന്‍റെ

കൈപിടിച്ച് ന്ടക്കട്ട്റെ....

In the cyber space of zeros and ones….

I heard people saying that with the advent of internet, the distance between people are really reducing or in other words it would bring the world closer by merging the distance. But do you really think that does it actually do that? Yeah we can communicate over here irrespective of the time and space but I don’t know I feel that it deprived of the face to face interaction and the physical contact too.  Sitting next to us and asking “how are you?” in chat is something that shows the highest dependency on the technology but yeah do you ever feel that it is the height of isolation too?? I feel so... Instead of asking directly, asking about your illness or replying through the emails from the next cubicle makes me strongly feel that we are living in an era which is heavily dependent on the Internet for social interaction too. while chatting I never feel that much of intimacy and yeah I hate to chat with my dear ones, coz it always made me feel that I am talking to a third person.

Our thoughts, our way of life has too reduced in to a column and we are so hypnotized on exploring the world through a box that we ignore the world around us. Is it not? We are living in an age where having a twitter or FB account is a must (orkut is almost on the edge of its death  ... so no comments on that: P). Sometimes these are used as a measurements of how you are socially committed or be with the trend. Recently I have read somewhere that Forty-seven percent of people (those polled) believed the Internet was more important in people's lives than religion, with one in five people paying the Internet more attention than their partner. It shows the dependency is it not??

I too’ve been spending a lot of time online, searching and surfing and sometimes adding to the great databases of the Internet. Even when I’m not working, I’m as likely as not to be foraging in the Web’s info-thickets ‘reading and writing e-mails, scanning headlines and blog posts, watching videos, or just tripping from link to link to link.

But I can find a big difference in my reading style too.  I am not interested to read so much of information at a stretch. I’ve lost the ability to do that.  Sometimes I book marked the page but most of the times I never get back to it. Even a blog post of more than three or four paragraphs is too much to absorb. I used to skim it... And the way I use language also is influenced a lot. Now a days I prefer short forms and do not care much about the grammar and spellings while in chat or in emails. The way I communicate professionally also has got changed.. I mean the salutation has changed a lot. Now I used to address my Boss “Hi” rather than “sir”.

We are so dependent on the Internet, sometimes to the point of enslavement. It has restructured our daily lives and we have begun to follow it blindly into the future .I know people checking FB and orkut rather than reading news paper, with a hot cup of tea in their hand.  It is the first thing that they do when they wake up.  If we rely on it too much, our addiction will keep growing until the addiction itself controls our functionality… Do you agree???

P.S:- Depending on the Internet is a choice based on convenience and practicality, not on need.  

Sleepless Love……

Sleepless nights, thinking of you…

In the crystal of pain, is the evidence

Of how much I loved you!

The days, wept over your deep, distant memories

Are left as symbol of once you were mine!

What is left between U and me?

Nothing but the words that begin to rust and

Dreams which are taken away by the sea

Is it not?????

When you try to move away from me

 With the last pulse of my love…

What I am supposed to call U, my dear??

 As Time Passes……….

I am thinking about my life… how fastly life moves on... ri8? As the time passes it leaves the traits in us like- age, dreams and yeah of course thoughts too. When we were children we did not have much to worry about and we were looking for good toys or teddies in the shop or waiting for a vacation to meet all our cousins to enjoy it at the maximum! Yeah it is a most happy and carefree time ever. What bother us at that time will be the incomplete home works for Mondays and the day when exam papers would be given!

Being a teen is really tough! The thoughts, likes are slowly started to change at this time and yeah the transition from puberty to social cliques, to spots and hormones it truly is the most exciting, nerve-wracking, depressing and exhilarating time of any person’s life is it not?? We might have a feeling that we can do everything if we want and felt that the system is not working properly!  We criticized each and everything (bt we were the most irresponsible person at that time.) .and feel that it’s ok to rebel and yeah we are dared to stand up and say it is ****. We hate restrictions like hell and always had a tendency to break the rules too. At some point of time we may want to marry a person who is gonna against the systems and institution or a person who may drunk but still can sing “nagaram nagaram maha sagaram..:)” well, without any slip of tongue :P  …

I am really wondered when looking back,  is that me who wanted to marry a bangle seller ( coz I loved bangles very much), a hotel owner( coz I loved non veg food that much) a floweriest, and a  fisher man at different stages in my life.. (Thank god I did not ;))  I know everyone had such crazy dreams in their life...

One of my friends said that during his college days he was interested to read the cinema and sports pages in news papers.  But after the college days, he preferred to read educational pages and yeah obviously opportunities but now he is eagerly waiting for the property plus, which once he had thought is a sheer waste!  Yes!  As the time passes our concerns are slowly turns to something else... I do not know what magic it is! How come a mindset suddenly or slowly changes to something which we never bothered about once!

During a casual talk with my friend, the price hike of vegetables … was accidently turns the topic on... I was really wondering how come a cinema, gossips (everything under the sky we used to discuss bt never stumbled across these topics ever) talks turns suddenly to the price hike on!!  We will automatically start to give importance to something which we never think one day we may! beginning to compromise..(Till then compromise was not there in our dictionary: P) , started to worry about the tidbits like gas cylinder, electric bill, phone bill etc etc…   yeah of course apart from friends, we gives importance to relatives too( till then our world is friends only… did not even bother to call those people,)   Yeah.. It is time that makes the difference... As the time passes, we change naturally, not purposefully but it happens…!

• P.S In our teenage we may feel that it is better to grown up fast  and to be settled with job is fine.. But after on the track with full suit, we long for what we lost!

Take life as it comes…..

“I wanted to become a journalist” that was my answer when my dad’s friend asked me about what do you want to become, after tenth results. {(Yes I feel that fire inside me... getting lost fully in letters! enjoying the busy schedules in the desks!! working with no time bound.. was something that fascinates me.. besides enjoying the satisfaction and privilege of being a part of Fourth Estate) yeah I realized the business mask of media behind its service attitude and even though I am ware that it is nothing but the business only.. something is there that attracts me to it like a iron rod to the magnet} … But I took biology as main in plus two. . At that time I wanted to do UG in chemistry and wanted to do something on that stream itself, for the two years of SKP life had changed my attitude that much. But I am destined to do something else..   So after that, I took literature, which I never wanted, or in fact forced to do due to some reasons…I never know where life could have taken me at that time.  I still believe that was the worst time in life I have ever come across, so far.

After that three years.. What was next would be a big question before me.. Again that journalism wish has budding inside me.. So I decided to go for that. Everybody in my family opposed to it, except my dad and brother (my mom also was on the opposition side, telling that kind of risky jobs are not good for girls). I am really blessed to have such a family who have given me damn support and strength in situations, where everyone wants their children to be doctors and engineers.. They give more priority to my wish... That should be  something appreciated, I guess. I wrote only two exams- one for Mascom and the next for Amrita. I got selected in Amrita and yeah…fortunately or unfortunately we were the first batch of “ASCOM”. And those two years taught me a lot….both academically or not.

I was the only student who chooses Print as main in the beginning and I still remember how stern I was on my decision, even though our mam had shown a bit hesitation to start class with only one student from PG, other than the PGDJ students. She tried to make me understand the difficulties that I need to face in the second year. But still I was firm on my decision.. Coz I have that much passion towards it. I started to write about the subject I feel like and some of them were strike out in the rough draft itself...  I remember how excitingly and passionately I did the development story on Kalpathy Heritage Village and an investigative story on the accidents. But again fate has reserved something else for me and I ended up in an entirely different field of Advertising. Even though it was not my passion (yeah I know I am not that much creative too), I was able to fulfill responsibilities that was trusted up on my shoulders, against all my expectations.  I need to say adieu to that job after 6 months for some other reasons (but by that time I started to love what I used to do).

Now again in a different domain - content writing (yeah all are connected indirectly).. Yeah here I can write something...Some time can be able to give voice to my feelings too. And after getting in to this job only, I started blogging (yeah it gives a kind of relaxation and freedom to express what I feel or in fact I am satisfying myself for which I could not do)

This is not my case only.. I know… there are many, who are doing something else, keeping aside their passion and feelings in one corner of their mind, coz of so many reasons. Here job satisfaction has thrown in to dustbin and we are trying to put the label of “being practical” on it (yeah we all are work for money . So we are trying to satisfy our brain , not mind..So most of the people including me, trying to love what I am doing rather than  what I love to do)  I have a friend who started to study Journalism from her plus two onwards.. coz of the passion. (In her own words “journalism is there in her blood”) But now she is working in an entirely different world… but yeah I know that she still keeps that  fire and  love inside her mind..

As somebody said... Life is like that only.. It always surprises you! Some dreams will be fulfilled.. Some may slip through the fingers…knowingly or unknowingly..At times it reserves unexpected happiness for you by gifting you something which you never long for ever. What I learnt so far is__it is better to take the life as it comes… So there won’t be any regrets at the end of the day.